


If You're Here...

by psykikpng



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Pidge's inner thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 01:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16693255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psykikpng/pseuds/psykikpng
Summary: Years after Sendak's attack on Earth, the Garrison has given the paladins an early break from work, but Pidge only has herself to keep her company.





	If You're Here...

**Author's Note:**

> It's 1am and I haven't written something like this in a very long time. It was never explained what Pidge's early life in school with her peers were, so I took from my own experiences. Actually, this entire prompt and how Pidge thinks and acts in this particular social life is my own experience. I was having a hard night and realized that Pidge and I tend to have the same mentality. So maybe she would also feel this way about the people around her. I also decided to add Plance because even though I don't have some sort of special someone, it doesn't mean she shouldn't. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> If you want to see more of me, here's some social media:  
> IG: y_zero2 and _tres.bien_  
> Twitter: y_zeroo2

It was night on Earth. Her usual night years ago consisted of staying up practically the entire time and trying to create new enhancements to the castle or lions. Now, it was years later since the attack from Sendak, but she generally still spent her nights awake. There was the off chance that she stayed up playing a game, but it was mainly her staying in the Garrison offices and working on projects. Tonight though, the Garrison had told all the paladins to take an early break. She had planned to keep working anyway, but Shiro was very set on Pidge not even stepping near any kind of work. He knew her well enough to know that she would end up working herself to death on their, so called, break. So, he had even walked Pidge to her room like a child. But when Shiro left, it was just her. And the nights with nothing to do were always the loneliest. 

/Are/ the loneliest.  
Her head was always moving miles a minute, but being alone was when they started heading inward. 

Hunk had his family.  
Allura had Coran and Lotor.  
Keith had his family and Shiro.  
Shiro had Keith.  
Even her brother had his family with the resistance and her parents had each other.  
And Lance...well, Lance also had his own family.

So, where was she? Pidge was in her own room at the Garrison, leaning against the wall on her bed with her legs crossed. 

Pidge was the only paladin with no one. 

In that instance, even as crazy as it sounded, she realized she was really the only paladin without anyone. Sure, she had plenty of people around her and she had charisma to spare, but at the end of the day, it was just herself. She thought she always had her parents and her brother, but what happens when they want to go to their most loved ones for a break?

When they want moments of peace with someone? 

Of course, her parents would choose each other. And although Matt had always come to Pidge to goof off, he had other people to confide his deeper feelings with. After thinking about these things, she started thinking of how she got here. How she got to this point of sitting on a bed in a dark room with only herself and her brain. 

It wasn't too difficult to think of why. 

Pidge had learned how to act differently around people. She would rather have most of her time spent in tech, but she knew there were times when she needed to meet with others. For most of her childhood, she could never figure out why that lesson was so difficult to understand. No matter what she did, people didn't get her. If she acted the way she truly was, people would only back off. The people around her knew of her intellect, but that was all. In school, the kids would talk to her to get test answers, but leave immediately after to spare themselves from her. One day though, it finally clicked that she needed to develop different versions of herself.

She started being able to see what each person wanted in an interesting friendship. It was as if each person knew a different Pidge. Each of these Pidge's were still pieces of her, but they were only pieces. Not the whole. 

And what ended up being the most painful part was that people liked the pieces better than the whole. 

So she kept doing this kind of self cloning, but that's all it was. At the end of the day, they were only clones. Even after creating a new clone for someone, that person would still choose others. They would inevitably choose someone that was more genuine. More real. And Pidge would usually just see them as an acquaintance or someone she knew, rather than a lifelong relationship. By now, it was to the point that she questioned whether she could truly enjoy anyone's company. And if she did, how would she know it was real? After faking and showing so many individual pieces, how did she know that it wasn't just her brain telling her that this was the best course of action? She felt her arms slack as she questioned whether any of her relationships were real. 

Was Lance real? 

Her face immediately fell at that thought. There had been times she thought about it, but quickly pushed it back further in; hoping that the thought would disintegrate and never come back, but it always did. Lance still hadn't seen her whole self, but he currently held the most pieces of her that she'd shown or given anyone. Even to her brother. Pidge loved Matt, but she had always known how busy he was. How stressed he was. She only ever wanted to show him the goofy and happy sides of herself, even when she felt like breaking. 

And that's where Lance stepped in. 

She had first thought of him as an idiot, but Pidge found that he truly wasn't. He had seen her at her breaking point a few times and never left. There were times he found her to be boring or a bother, but he'd always joke around it, rather than never speak with her again. He'd told her too many times how much he loved her for being her. 

And that's what hurt the most. 

Pidge felt her head tap back onto the wall as she looked up to her room ceiling. How sad that she can create tech, but not a true relationship with someone. A bitter smile crept onto her lips as her vision blurred. Lance thought the world of her. He'd called her his universe plenty of times and what did she have to show? The only thing she had for him were constant thoughts and questions of whether what she felt for him was real or her brain trying to gain his favor. How screwed up is that? Her throat closed as she attempted to swallow back thoughts that were any worse. A small choke echoed in the room as hot tears began trailing down her cheeks, 

"He deserves more than me..." 

This was a fact she was sure of. He deserved someone that could shower him with unconditional love. Someone that could handle spending hours with his family without worrying if they were putting up a passable facade. 

A knock at the door threw Pidge outside of her thoughts. She quickly snapped her head to the direction of the door and tried shouting a normal 'don't come in' as best as she could. The door opened anyway and there stood the person she both wanted to see the most and wished to never see again. If Lance was shocked to see a tear stained and clearly broken Pidge, he didn't show it. He simply gave her a sheepish grin and shut the door behind him. 

"You miss me that much?" 

It was obviously a teasing gesture, but she couldn't help the short, choked sob that came from it. He hit the nail on the head and hadn't even meant to. His face quickly contorted to one of worry when he took a seat in front of her on the bed. Pidge's arms found their way around his waist before she knew it was happening. She just knew she needed something solid. Something real. Not another 'what if' or an imaginary dream of what her life could be if she weren't this way. She wanted something physical to root her to where she was. Pidge took a shaky breath when she rested her head into his shirt. 

"Can you stay here tonight?" She whispered. 

Lance's arms found their way around her and she could feel himself already settling in to stay. 

With a quiet tone, he immediately responded, "Of course, my love." 

Pidge didn't know if what she felt was her genuine self anymore. Maybe this kind of feeling she had for Lance was fake; a way of trying to survive, but she found that she liked the warmth he gave. The warmth in his voice when he tried speaking softly. The warmth when he tried to show off by recommending a book he knew absolutely nothing about. The warmth when he would slide a hand around her waist when they walked. The warmth when they hugged. Even if it wasn't real, she didn't mind.

As long as he was there.


End file.
